guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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