My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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