ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
