So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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