Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
