omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
