Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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