My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
