if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
