Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
