Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
