TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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