Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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