Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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