im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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