I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
