I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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