dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
