Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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