you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
