I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
