Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
