Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
