How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
