We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
