my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
