dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
