Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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