i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
