ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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