y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
