rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
