Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
