go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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