his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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