I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
