Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
