I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
