yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Fuck appropriateness.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
