I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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