I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
