There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize