why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
