Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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