We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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