fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
