doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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