I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
