please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
barbara walters just said penis...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
