i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
