he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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